DID HE KILL HER?
“If they put you down, Cut.Them. Loose! ”
It doesn’t work this way , you cant keep on building sand castle near the shore, and get depressed when the waves wash it away….
Well it took me almost 1.5 years to get out of a relationship which made me feel like running away to Jupiter. So I met him in Delhi via my cousin sister and it only took us seconds to click. We shared a gleeful & a beaming relationship , a relationship which everybody around us envied. Became best of friends counting upon each other for everything. We literally became each others speed dial humans!
Preparing for civil services is an Achilles heel and little did I know that I would get carried away in this relationship so much so that studying, building my career, my dreams all became a secondary priority in life. I would always be available 24*7 on calls and in person.
Money was being wasted, time was flying and life had become aimless. I became a couch potato thriving on my parents funds. So much so that lying to my parents, jaunting around had become a wonted thing of my day.
I gradually started to lose myself out, stopped doing things I liked for his sake, voluntarily dropping out all my personnel time, and stopped engaging in self care. All my time was involuntarily started to be governed by him!
As inchmeal time progressed, he started holding me responsible for his unaccomplishment , failure at tests , and above all failure at his personnel relationships. Verbal abuses had become a part of my daily chore. A flamboyant, extrovert, independent girl like me had been white knuckled up in this TOXIC relationship.
That’s when it dawned upon me that I need to pick myself up, and we love love.
Of course we do. Love sends us to joyous, lofty heights that we never want to come down from, but the same heart that can send us into a loved-up euphoria can trip us up and have us falling into something more toxic.The hot pursuit of love can be blinding and for me verbal abuses was a deal breaker.
January 2020 I packed my stuff and decided to leave the city.
Didn’t know where to go but just wanted to run away from where I was then.So here I am penning down my emotions 2000km away from Delhi. And trust me I am ecstatic.The resolution which I wouldn’t trade for anything.It finally felt alive!
The very holy grail of writing this down and reaching out to you guys is because a lot of us out there are suffering or have suffered this toxicity which affects us psychologically, tears us apart emotionally maybe even financially but we are so close mouthed about it to even ourselves!
I don’t want to jot down about the signs of a toxic relationships or what self care is all about since there is a lot on the internet to be read but I am sure you guys can empathise. There are plenty of reasons you might end up in a toxic relationship, none of which have anything to do with strength of character or courage. Sometimes the poison grows and blindsides you and by the time you realise, it’s too late — the cost of leaving might feel too high or there may be limited options.
In an attempt to make Toxity sense, you might blame history, circumstances or your own behaviour. At least that’s what I did! Thing is, you feel Noxious! Staying in a relationship should Never have losing yourself as one of the conditions.
You’re far too important for that. It’s important to make sacrifices in relationships but Your happiness, self-esteem and self-respect should always be on the list — Always! When you are with someone who suffocates precious parts of you, be alive to the damage they are doing, you owe them Nothing. You deserve to thrive and to feel safe, and you deserve to be happy.
All I want to say is That the start of getting out of a destructive relationship is the toughest but once you do it you will find your way!
